An Honest Resume

I have applied for many jobs over the last six months and have created several resumes to cater to the job I was applying to. I sometimes stopped and thought to myself how funny it would be if our resumes told the whole truth. Mine would be something like this below…

Sometimes I like to dress up and take tea.

(Somewhat) Dedicated and focused (Squirrel!) professional with exceptional communication (I will tell it like it is) and customer service skills. Excels Adequate at prioritizing and completing multiple tasks while remaining adaptable and flexible (and only will cuss a little)

  • Friendly and courteous (if I have had enough coffee and snacks)
  • Excellent communication, interpersonal and organizational (definitely NOT) skills
  • Self-motivated, adaptable and positive attitude (again, if enough coffee and snacks are provided)
  • Excellent work ethic (when I am not too tired)
  • CPR and First Aid Certifications 2019 (but I don’t remember anything)

Experience

10/2020 – Current

Secretary Western Plateau Elementary School

Answer phones, order supplies, deposit cash and checks, balance budgets, run payroll reports, report cards, and other office duties. Interaction with students, teachers, administration and parents. Gets distracted by kids in the hallway. Has to go to the bathroom often. Likes to talk about Harry Potter and Star Wars. I do a lot of running, so I might be late and definitely don’t shower before work sometimes. Keeps snacks in desk drawer, but will bring my own mouse traps. Will often ask to leave to get more coffee. Prefers to eat at my desk so I can take a nap in my car during lunch.

Author: arunneraftergodsownheart

Christian Runner, overcoming depression one step at a time.

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