I want, but…

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. Romans 7:15

I want a vibrant prayer life. But I don’t spend much time in prayer.

I want to study the Bible, know it, love it. But I don’t read it often.

I want to run miles and miles and miles! But I sleep past my alarm.

I want to cook healthy meals for myself and family. But I let fresh food rot in the refrigerator.

I want a clean house. But I waste time on my phone.

For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. Romans 7:18b

I can blame a lot of things.

  • Depression. You never have energy or motivation.
  • Autoimmune Diseases. That is certainly limiting.
  • I’m lazy.
  • The Flesh/Sinful Nature

So, there you have it. It looks pretty hopeless to me, because I am all of these things! I can make lists and set reminders and yet I ignore them. I can tell myself, “Self! Today is the day! Pull yourself up by your bootstraps! Put on your Big Girl Panties and just get things done!” It may work for a moment, but the reality is, I am very flawed. Depression messes with rational thought. My body is fighting itself, wrongly. And I am still very much a sinner even though I am a child of God. So what do I do?

Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord! Romans 7:25

I confess, ask for forgiveness and give thanks that His mercies are new every morning. And afternoon. And evening.

I would be lost without God. Truly, I more than likely would have taken my life. He knows I have thought about it many times. The best part about being a child of God is the feeling you get after you confess. You are washed clean and are brand new! He doesn’t hold grudges! He doesn’t even remember! He never brings up our past! He sets us on a new path, puts a new song in our mouth. He loves us. In His presence is where there really is peace. Even when we are depressed, sick, lazy, sinful.

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Romans 8:1


Author: arunneraftergodsownheart

Christian Runner, overcoming depression one step at a time.

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